OK, this may be a bit heavy, but I'm contemplating the concept of 'expectation'. In many relationships the topic of 'expectations' always comes up. (At least in my life!) The guy (usually) says 'No expectations'. What does that exactly mean? If I am in a dating realtionship, especially a physical relationship, there are expectations. I expect them to treat me with respect, not sleep with anyone else and date only me, among the obvious 'expectations' (bathe, brush their teeth, do laundry). If they are talking about Long Term expectations, aren't they the ones expecting something? Now I admit, I've been in relationships where I wasn't sure what I was expecting, it was fun to hang with these guys, but I knew it wouldn't last a long time. Others we'd talked about moving in together, but I was relieved it didn't work. (Yes, I'm commitment phobic, but that's another discussion for another day)
But all this is Ancient History. What I've been dealing with lately, is expectations in general. I was active with one group of singles for several years, and saw several of my friends date people in this group, but never me. So I moved on to another group, with the same results, I didn't even get asked out on a date. These last few weeks, I've enjoyed playing with cute guys, and I never even expected them to ask me out. I knew it wasn't going to happen, so I was enjoying the Moment. But that will change.
But I guess the issue is: if you don't have expectations, then you won't get anything. Right? I admit, I'm not the best looking thing on the planet, and I am overweight, but I'm a nice person and I'm not Butt Ugly, and I expect to meet a man who wants to get to know me better. (And I'm doing something about the weight, I've lost close to 15lbs) And what's wrong with wanting to find someone spend time with? I've been told it's only human. But if it never happens, you tend to get disappointed.
I've been fighting keeping a positive attitude for many months now. The Big Birthday has a lot to do with it. I'm now Officially Old. (I know, 50 is the new 30, and I certainly don't feel old, except when my knees hurt, or my back hurts, or a late night party does me in for a few days!)
Now I don't expect every man I meet to want to take me out, but I expect SOMEONE to want to take me out. Maybe they've been there, I just haven't seen them. Maybe that is my problem, I don't recognize subtle hints. (BullSh*t! I try to read everything I can into any actions!)
OK, so is this 'Expectation' or 'Desperation'? Ah well, time to go to work....
More to come...
As things happen, I'll be posting. Thanks for taking the time to read. You're opinions are welcome but if you have to start calling me names, don't bother, I won't read them. As my Dad says 'Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.'
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3 comments:
It's Expectation and you know what? I say: good for you in knowing you deserve them.
I think people who say "no expectations" are pure crap. And why anyone would want to develop a relationship (friendship, romantic, whatever!) with someone who has none is beyond me. It's equal to saying, "hey, I don't believe enough in you to expect anything out of you...and I don't care enough about you to give you any promises from me." Screw that!
Be wary of anyone saying they don't expect anything. They'll either constantly be disappointed or disappointing you. (my 2 cents anyway!) :)
Ok, so maybe they are saying that they have no expectations because they are also commitment wary like you and are "feeling it out". If they are a nice person, then I would think they would develop expectations of the relationship. I would hope they would not want to have their S. O. sleeping with other people and dating everyone else.
I think it is good that you have expectations and desires in a relationship, but maybe you are relying on the men to make too much of a step. They are as wary/run over/hurt/tired as you are. Maybe you should ask them. I did that with J. C. kind of. I made it abundantly clear that I was interested and kind of invited myself over to his house. Things went from there and we have been together ever since. We have talked about it and he said that he was interested, but didn't ask because he wasn't sure if I was interested or was going to be put off by the age difference and we were in a group and wasn't sure if it would screw up the dynamics. He says he probably would have asked me out but I don't know. Long story short, I made the move and it was to my advantage. I think that maybe you think that these men are all macho and some of them are, but most of them are as scared or insecure as you are. Give it a shot. IT is worth a try. And once you get the guy, what are you going to do if you are a commitmentphobe?
That is a discussion for another time.
Kisses,
Baby Neice
What does "No Expectations" mean? From a guy it means - I am all about me and I will call the shots. If you want to hang out with me under those parameters, great. If not, I warned you. So if you get hurt,that is your problem.
Cynical? - oh definitely.
True? - unfortunately.
Re-read "He's not that into you"
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