Hump Day

I'm getting frustrated. So many resumes, so little response. And to add to that, I posted something on the hash web page and got zero response. I have to keep telling myself, 'It's not me, it's not me, it's not me'.

Self Discovery or Self Delusion?
When you spend a lot of time with yourself, you tend to think a lot and make 'discoveries' about yourself, but you also tend to make up falacies about yourself because the only feed back you get is from your kitties.
But this 'discovery' is a useful one. I have a 'friend' who has done some things in the last few months that have pissed me off and I'm not really open to her 'friendship'. In her defense, she has attempted to call me to talk, but I figured that nothing could be said to mend the 'friendship'. I recently decided that she isn't the evil person I thought she was. The whole time I've known her, she's been honest about who she is and what she's all about. The very first time I met her, she pulled one of her 'stunts' and didn't make apologies about it. I chose to ignore her behavior and give her the benefit of the doubt. I chose to give her qualities she didn't posess. So now I've decided not to be angry with her, in her mind she didn't do anything against me, she just did what she does. I've also decided I don't like what she does and don't want to be her friend.

It's all about expectations. I guess I expect people in my life to act and behave certain ways and when they don't I get disappointed. I guess I'm guilty of that alot. (Is that a control issue??) There have been several people in my recent past that I've had issues with, but I realize now that they just did what they do. It really wasn't about me, it was about them. They didn't even know or care that my feelings were hurt or that they disappointed me, it's just what they do. That doesn't mean I choose to be their friends either. Using people and being too immature to live up to your actions are not the kind of values I admire in people.

So maybe I should go back into my cacoon. I guess I expect too much of other people and I'm tired of being disappointed. 'Set your goals low to avoid disappointment' I always say.

Vacation
Last night I began to finalize plans for my 'vacation'. 'Vacation from what?' you may ask. I haven't been to my parents home in over 2 years. I've seen them at least once a year, but I kinda guess I should go home. It's never really a pleasant task for me, my parents are getting older and it's kinda scarey too see them age. They are definately set in their ways. I have a sister who lives close to them and I have to spend time with her, too. She told me a few years ago to 'Get the F*ck out of her house', so needless to say we haven't been real close these last few years. She's also a different person and the family dynamics have changed a lot. Since I'm the only one who left home (Becky doesn't count, she's got married and is still in the same state) I feel kinda left out of the family. But that was my choice.

I've chosen the first weekend in June to go visit. Both of my sisters celebrate a birthday on June 4 (Becky will be 59(!) and Polly will be 46), so I called Becky last night to see if she could get the family together up in DC for her birthday. She has 2 daughters with husbands and 2 grand kids. Her husband will be out of town, and I doubt my oldest niece will bring her husband. It's always fun visiting with my older sister and my youngest niece and her husband. The other ones, well they seem to have their own agendas and can't seem to enjoy just visiting.

Talk about expectations!

More to come...
As things happen, I'll be posting. Thanks for taking the time to read. You're opinions are welcome but if you have to start calling me names, don't bother, I won't read them. As my Dad says 'Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.'